5 Ways to Save Your Relationship

Even though some breakups seem to come out of the blue, it can be just as painful, or even more so, when you and your partner no longer love one another. Is compromising or budging something neither of you will do because your are both equally bull-headed? If you have that dreaded feeling that a break-up is around the corner, there are several things you can do in order to try to save the relationship.

1. Put an end to the blame game.

The blame often goes to the other partner when the relationship starts to sour. He never pays attention to what I say. She is always so cold towards me. Couldn't he do something nice for me once in a while? I might do more for her if she would just quit nagging me. Blaming the other party only causes defensiveness and does nothing to help the relationship. Begin to accept your partner for who they are instead complaining about who they are not.

2. Lose the neediness.

It is not healthy to always want your partner around to do things. One of the main reasons couples break up is dependency issues. You should understand that personal time away from each other is normal and healthy. If you want to be with your partner all of the time, take the hint -- you need to find some outside interests.

3. Do you communicate?

Communication is the key to a good relationship. When you find that the only way you communicate is through arguments, sarcastic comments, and snide remarks, it's time to stop because you are not communicating, you are merely being demeaning and disrespectful. Why speak to someone you love that way when you would not speak that way to your friends or colleagues?

4. Quit paying mind to false convictions.

Do you imagine negative scenarios related to what your partner is thinking about or doing? Are you listening to those voices in your head that tell you that your partner doesn't care when they do not drop everything the minute you need them? By listening to false beliefs you only poison your view of reality.

5. Do you listen well?

Do you pay attention to and take an interest in your partner's interests? Do you give them a fair chance by listening to their side of any disagreements you have? Sometimes the need to be right causes us to stop listening. When a problem comes up, try to talk in a normal voice and listen to what your partner has to say. You could be missing out on something very important -- and no, you do not always know everything.

There are some relationships that will never change, even if you follow the advice outlined here. If that is the case, then your relationship is really suffering and you probably need some time away from each other. Use this time to achieve clarity about your situation so you can finally make a decision as to what you really want.

Author: Katie Wang 

Experiences From “the Flow”: the Grief Letter – From Heartbreak to Happiness

- “Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…” -(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007। Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)*Below is the first of a series of actual events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: mid-2008.- HEALING -It’s taken me exactly 29 days to feel semi-healed from my shattered heart. The ex-girlfriend doesn’t live in my mind 24/7 anymore. I can work again.I don’t feel the cloud of sadness constantly hovering over me. I don’t feel like I’m barely “a stutter of an inhale” away from breaking down. The tears have stopped. I can even view reminders and images of her without instantly feeling like I’m riding the downside of a steep roller coaster. Mutual, familiar songs no longer bite into my heart or knock the wind out of me.Let me tell you about the worst/best relationship I’ve had so far in my life. Also, I want to share my personal grief letter with all who are currently hurting from heartbreak.- LOVE IS BLIND –It’s true that when you love someone, you tend to overlook what others see as obvious until it’s much too late.In retrospect, I was totally oblivious to the many tell-tale signs of the magnitude of my lopsided relationship. I gave everything. I received nothing.She was a young woman, not ready to settle down. I was a war-weary ex-soldier of life who desperately wanted an everlasting friend/lover. I wanted a woman capable of a mature, loving relationship. Most of the time, she acted like a brooding or spoiled, immature girl.She wanted to experience the excitement and seduction of nightlife, not the security and love of a stable home and a lifelong partner.I’ve “been there, done that” and think I know what I truly want out of life. She’s still searching for her true identity; and consequently doesn’t really know what she wants. I wanted honesty. She felt the need to hide and lie to me and her friends.I wanted to teach and take care of her. She wanted more independence WITHOUT having to work for it.I wanted to learn the wonderful things from her different, exotic culture. She was too impatient to teach me; getting frustrated whenever “it took too long to communicate” simple, important things.Finally, I realized that at this point in her life, she is incapable of fulfilling my needs – and I, hers.Sure, I will miss so many things about her. I’ll miss her innocent awkwardness; her alive and sweet laughing eyes; her spontaneous and honest facial expressions; her beautiful smile, her skin, her laugh, her full lips, her hair, her naturally fit body, her childlike wonder over things that I usually take for granted.I’ll miss eating with her; sleeping next to her and smelling her perfume and hair; and of course (in the beginning), our passionate sex.- REALITY: WHAT I WON’T MISS -I won’t miss: her financial irresponsibility, her deceptions and lies, her lack of any sustained caring, her inability to have fun with me, her random coldness; her chronic impulsive behavior; her betrayal, her silence, her selfishness, her lack of trust, her constant accusations (I guess because she fooled around on me so much), her ignorance of my feelings, her childish behavior, her low frustration threshold – no patience, her lack of self-control (I want it now!), her inability to sustain affection; her lack of concentration, her inability to make her own decisions, her lack of interest in learning new things, languages, and skills; her sloppiness in the home; her shortsightedness, etc.- GRIEF LETTER -A grief letter is recommended by almost all experts to help overcome a broken heart. Although you are never supposed to mail it (which I didn’t), I’m including it here to illustrate what kind of living hell I endured.Dear xxx,I loved you; then you hurt me. I trusted you; then you lied to me. I was loyal to you; then you betrayed me. I worked hard for you; then you did not help me.I needed you, especially when I lost two of my four jobs, was ill with pneumonia from overwork, and lonely; then you went away with another man. I gave you all my money; then you wasted it, spending it on your friends and other men. I gave you my soul when we made love; then you made sex feel like a job. I wanted to be your best friend and make you laugh and smile; then you would leave me out of your world, having fun only with other people.I was proud to have you in my life; then you acted like you were ashamed of me.I had no secrets from you; then you hid everything personal from me.I wanted to be with you for life; then you pushed me away whenever you felt yourself loving me. I let you have my whole heart; then you just broke it and stepped on it. I wanted you to learn a new and better life; then you just stayed in the past.I now realize that when we were together, I WAS WITH YOU, but YOU WERE NEVER REALLY WITH ME.Why? I guess I’ll never know.It’s over and I’m glad it’s finished.I take my heart and life back.I do not hate you.I forgive you.In fact, I will always love you.But you will not be part of my world anymore.Thank you. Now I know more about myself, more of what I really want in life and love.Through the darkness I found the light of my own self.My experience with you (however heartbreaking) has taught me how to forgive, accept, respect, and fully love myself.Thank you, sweetheart.I hope you find your way. I hope you find yourself.I hope you learn to love yourself – so you can finally love someone else.Maybe you’ll realize in the future that people are more important than things.Love,J.C.Note to all my friends out there:I’m not now (or have ever been) a quitter. I’ve stitched together the pieces of my heart and let my life move on. My heart is not pretty, but it’s whole again – and I’m proud of the scars. It’s a testament to my loving nature and courage to love.I’m fearless; brave enough to risk a thousand heartbreaks daily in order to love unconditionally and abundantly.I continue to learn and live my life with as much joy as I can muster. I know that great things are always waiting to enter my life. My only job is to make room for them to fully manifest. This can only be done by getting rid of past, excess baggage.Just like everything in life, things are neither good, nor bad – until we put our own labels on them.While going through the outrage, tears, and depression of my last heartbreak, I could barely believe my own advice to others.But I held on. And if you are hurting, I know you can too.This last relationship has made me stronger in so many ways. I am not bitter in the least. In fact, I know that I’m able to love better for it.If you just hang on, you can too!(In the next article in this series, I will give you the real life account of what happened immediately after writing the above grief letter. It’s truly miraculous… Until then, find “The Flow” and jump in!)Your friend in this intrepid journey called life,Carl “J.C.” PantejoNote: If you want to read more about overcoming heartbreak, unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive.”“Remember Who You Are!”“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keywords: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)

Author: Carl Pantejo

Jesus Attended the Passover Feast of Unleavened Bread With His Disciples

This was the day of unleavened bread in the Passover feast. Late in the afternoon all devout Jews would eat the Passover meal. Jesus and his disciples were to eat together that evening as he had desired, and as he had carefully planned. Their place of gathering was a large upper room in the home of some sympathetic friend, probably Mary, the mother of John Mark. Before leaving the city on Tuesday Jesus had arranged for this. Accordingly on Thursday afternoon he sent his disciples on ahead to this upper room where the last details were tobe arranged. "And they went, and found, as he had said unto them: and they made ready the passover."(r) The Passover Meal—This meal consisted of a choice lamb roasted whole, unleavened bread, wine and bitter herbs. At sunset the trumpets would blast, and the meal would begin. Before the sunset hour arrived the disciples would have completed all arrangements and would await the coming of Jesus. In due time he arrived and they were ready to celebrate this memorial of the deliverance of their forefathers from Egyptian bondage.What must have been the feelings of Jesus as he came among his disciples to find them in a bitter contention among themselves as to which of them was to be the greatest. "There is wrangling among them, when he had told them that after two days he would die, and now the two days were past. Peter wanted to get the seat of honor next to Jesus, for he was the leading talker; John because he knew him best; Judas because he was treasurer. John seems to have got the chief place."' How human and yet how far from what their master had taught them! He must teach them even now. He began by stating the world's evaluation of greatness which was based on "lordship" or authority. "But ye shall not be so: but he that is the greater among you, let him become as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve."(2) A Lesson on Humility (John 13:1-20) — John's gospel gives the beautiful story of Jesus teaching the lesson of humility at this Passover meal. The routine of observing the Paschal meal consisted of some thirteen different steps. The first was a benediction, then the cup of wine, and next the formal washing of the hands of the company. It was at this juncture that Jesus washed the feet of the disciples. It was an object lesson to impress upon them the quality of true greatness. He was their Lord, and yet he became their servant as he laid aside his garments, took a towel and girded himself, poured water into a basin, and stooped to wash the feet of his disciples. This was a menial task usually done by a servant, and this act of Jesus would arouse the interest of his followers. He finished his task, replaced his garments and sat down with them to explain his actions. "If I, your Master, have done this for you ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that ye also should do as I have done to you." We may understand, of course, that Jesus was not here instituting an ordinance like that of the Lord's Supper, but was giving an object lesson in true humility of spirit.(3) Identifying the Traitor (Mark 14:18-31; Matthew 26:21-35; Luke 22:21-38; John 13:31-38) — As they were eating the Paschal meal Jesus startled them all with the statement that one of the twelve was going to betray him. They were all "exceedingly sorrowful and began every one to say unto him, Is it I, Lord?" Jesus then gave the sign by which they should know. According to John's account: "He it is, for whom I shall dip the sop, and give it him. So when he had dipped the sop, he taketh and giveth it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot." John further states that again Satan entered into Judas, and that Jesus told him to do quickly what he was to do. "He then having received the sop went out straightway; and it was night."All knew then that Judas could not be trusted. When he had left Jesus spoke tenderly to these friends, expressing his love for them and warning them of the danger to which they would be exposed. Peter, in over-confidence, asserted that, though every one else should be offended and desert, he would not. He would go with him to death! Then it was that Jesus announced the sorry deed that Peter would do that very night: "This night before the cock crow thou shalt deny me three times." Again Peter most vehemently asserted that he would not, and that he would die with him. "Likewise also said all the disciples." Little did they know what was ahead.(4) The Lord's Supper (Mark 14:22-25; Matthew 26:26-29; Luke 22:17-20; I Corinthians 11:23-26) — After the paschal lamb had been eaten with the bitter herbs, and the time for the explanation of this ancient feast arrived, Jesus instituted the memorial supper. He took bread, gave thanks, broke it and gave it to them saying: "Take ye, eat it, this is my body which is broken for you; this do in remembrance of me." A little later he took a small cup of wine, gave thanks again and said: '"Drink ye all (all of you) of it for this is my blood of the covenant, which is shed for many unto remission of sins. For as often as ye eat this bread and drink the cup, ye proclaim the Lord's death till he come.""The Supper was a new institution. It, like baptism, is symbolic of the life in Jesus. Christ left us only two church ordinances; but the two cover symbolically the whole Christian life. Baptism stands at the beginning and symbolizes the spiritual transformation which takes place in the new birth the death to sin and resurrection to a new life. The Memorial Supper represents the means of continuation of the disciple's life through the continuous assimilation of Christ who is our bread of life —our Passover. The Supper commemorates theatoning death of Jesus, but at the same time symbolizes the life —flesh and blood which must be eaten by the disciple for the sus¬tenance of his spiritual life."'(5) Farewell Discourse (John 14-17) — The paschal meal and the Lord's Supper together would consume about two hours or more. But since it was still early in the night Jesus used the remaining three or four hours before midnight Thursday for a long farewell discourse with these friends, who despite their weaknesses, were very dear to him. This conference began in the upper room and continued informally as Jesus and his friends walked through the streets out of the eastern gate, down into the valley of the Kedron and up the slopes of the Mount of Olives to his place of retreat, the Garden of Gethsemane. The reader should study carefully this long discourse with these disciples since it is one of the richest treasures of the Christian faith. Understanding the situation under which Jesus spoke these immortal words should give them a new meaning to us. Jesus opened his heart to his disciples as the great rush of emotions swept over him. The fourteenth chapter, so familiar to every devout Christian, was intended to console his disciples in view of his death. They are not to grieve too much for his death, for it is expedient — and they will have the Holy Spirit as their comforter, teacher and helper. And this is better.Chapters fifteen and sixteen are devoted to exhortation. The disciples must be true to him; they must love each other; they must follow their new teacher, they must watch for his return, they must wait for further light. Chapter seventeen is the real Lord's prayer. In this deeply moving experience he prays: first for himself (1-5); for these disciples (6-19); and for the whole world — all believers in all ages (2o-26).(6) In Gethsemane (Mark 14:26, 32-42; Matthew 26:3o, 36-46; Luke 22:39-46; John 18:1) — The last event in the life of Jesus on this mo¬mentous day was his experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. On the way to Gethsemane they crossed the brook Kedron, now swollen with winter rains and tinged red with the blood of animals slain for the sacrifices of the Passover feast. Gethsemane, a garden of olive trees, was a favorite retreat of Jesus not more than half mile directly east of the Golden Gate. The present garden, about seventy yards square, is enclosed by a wall and contains about seventy-five gnarled olive trees which present-day guides erroneously claim are the same trees under which Jesus suffered that night.Reaching the gate of the garden, Jesus left eight of his eleven disciples (Judas was no longer with them) to watch. He then took Peter, James and John and went a little distance inside. The strange and awful experience awaiting him caused him to be "amazed and sore troubled." "My soul is exceedingly sorrowful even unto death." Com¬manding these three to abide there and watch, he himself went on a little further and fell on his face and prayed. These disciples could hear his cry of anguish, "0 my Father, if it be possible let this cup pass away from me: nevertheless not as I will but as thou wilt." As he suffered his three friends, weary in body, fell asleep. He had counted on them for comfort and sympathy, but they failed him. Arising he went to them and said to Peter, "What, could ye not watch with me one hour?" He went back to his lonely retreat and prayed again. Then he came a second time to find his friends once more asleep. This time they were greatly embarrassed and knew not how to answer him. Still a third time he retreated and prayed again "using the same words." Returning to them he said, "Sleep on now and take your rest: behold the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed unto the hands of sinners." He had won his victory, but without their help.Even as he spoke to them he saw the torches of the company led by Judas coming up the hillside to the garden. He knew the purpose of their coming. He then said to his disciples, "Arise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that betraycth me." The four of them went immediately to the gate to join the eight other disciples. It was now midnight or later. His enemies had come to take him.
Author: Tan Mei Seen